Braunstone Chess Club

Match Report – Good and bad technology

The 4th team had an away match at Syston and Barry gave lifts to Steve and Vinny using his Sat Nav. Sat Navs are like inviting an additional, very rude person out for a quiet coffee. A typical in-car conversation goes:

“Did you have a good we…”

“IN 400 YARDS TURN LEFT”

“As I was saying, did you ha…”

“IN 200 YARDS TURN LEFT”

“So how was your..”
“LEFT! NUMPTY! NOW!”

You can’t interrupt because the driver may miss that vital left turn. On arrival at Syston we were informed that "This is not a mobile phone. It is a device for losing chess matches." Syston must be rubbish if they need technical assistance to lose chess matches. Braunstone 4 are capable of doing that without any mechanical intervention whatsoever.

Stand in skipper Barry had said he wanted three wins. Unfortunately he didn’t specify which team he wanted to achieve them. Roy left early after defeat on Board 1. Vinny lost on Board 4 in an endgame where he was a pawn down and Steve lost on Board 3 in an endgame involving bishops where he was two pawns down. Technology had been confusing Vinny all night as he kept trying to use Steve’s clock but he did manage to confirm the Leicester City score using his ‘device for losing chess matches’ to access the Interweb. Guy would have been pleased at his choice of entertainment for the evening. Barry had a winning position on Board 2 and the clock finally defeated his opponent who then joined us in the bar and extolled the virtues of his iPad. We got home without the assistance of the shouty thing in Barry’s car. Just a thought - in this new metric world we live in why are Sat Navs still using yards? Report by Steve Barlow.

Match Report – A New Hope

And so it came to pass that on Tuesday 6th March 2012 the Braunstone 4 chess team shook off the shackles of underachievement and finally showed their true colours. Although the old joke, “What’s the difference between Braunstone 4 and a triangle?” – “A triangle has three points” – is still valid, we have cause for optimism. Or we might have if skipper Guy hadn’t already stated before the match that mathematically we were already doomed to relegation. Tonight we played five boards at the request of the opposition. Roy lost on Board 1 and then Steve agreed a draw on Board 5. Barry drew on Board 4 and then Cyril got a victory on Board 3. This prompted Guy to offer his opponent a draw which secured a draw for the team.

Gone are the dark winter days, we are no longer pointless, we have a purpose in life, we’re still the strongest team in the league, propping up all the others in the table. We’re still going to be relegated! We’re bottom! Report by Steve Barlow.

Match Report – St David's Day

Back to the League and once again the 4th team tried bringing in a player from the 3rd team on Board 1 to boost our chances and our self-proclaimed lucky mascot on Board 4. Unfortunately Roy decided to give his opponent a queen and his game on Board 1 finished early. Paul got a draw on Board 4. Steve, on Board 3, lost a piece and eventually resigned during the end game. So with the match lost Guy had a good victory on Board 2 following a mistake by his opponent. Unfortunately this didn’t help the team but did give Guy his first league victory of the season. So, the usual consistency in the League i.e. null points, zip, zilch, a blank, nada, a big fat lonely ero. I guess promotion’s out of the question. The most effort of the evening was then put into the important business of deciding which pub to visit after the match. I have no idea what any of this has to do with St David’s Day. Report by Steve Barlow.

Match reports for February 2012 can be found here: February 2012 Match Reports